Your Mind; My Mind

It’s 5am in the morning, and my alarm already starts going off. After yet another night of stolen sleep, I resentfully (mind you, I used to be a natural morning person but I stole that from myself) get out of bed, to start yet another gruelling day. Side note – even if you chose the greatest hit of all time as your alarm tone, you will still end up hating that song. I rush to get ready for gym and run to my car while the sky is still as black as midnight. At this point I’m just grateful for coffee, because I don’t know how I would have gotten behind the wheel otherwise.

As I get home from gym, with the sun barely above the horizon yet, drenched in sweat, I have a precise morning routine to get through before I can start the day properly. It’s like clockwork – everything has a specific time and place. I won’t bore you with the details. Then it’s on to a full schedule of final year studies, and I practically just blink my eyes, and it’s time for bed. If I want to survive getting up at 5am again tomorrow, I have to be in bed by 10pm. I don’t deal well without my sleep. I don’t deal well without it at all. To get ready for bed, I drink my chamomile, leave my phone, read my Bible, pray, calm down, and try and fall asleep. This usually works for me, but not lately. My brain has learnt my clever tricks to lull myself to sleep. But tonight, I find myself tossing and turning, a million things from the day are still on my mind. I’m thinking of tomorrow’s schedule already, when I have to study for that test, when I need to finish that assignment. And next thing you know, it’s 1am and I haven’t caught a wink of sleep.

It’s 5am in the morning, again. And even though I’ve barely slept at all, sleep is for the wicked, right? So I drag myself out of bed, yet again, and do the same routine I always do, convincing myself this is the only way to succeed.

I’ve always been a motivated, obedient and hardworking person. These qualities are just something that come naturally to me. These are qualities that I am proud of and I am sure many people desire. But if you’re not too careful, motivation becomes compulsion, obedience becomes addiction and hard work becomes lack of rest. There is a very fine line between working hard for your God-given calling, and working so hard that you begin to idolise your schedule instead of the power God has to fulfil your purpose. There is nothing wrong with having a good planned schedule, getting up at 5 in the morning and working hard for your goals. But what I am saying is that you cannot let your busy schedule take away what Jesus died for, which is your peace, rest, and joy.

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.

Colossians 3:23

I truly pray that my studies, exercise routine and future career are to glorify His name. And every single piece of work that I do, I pray that I do it for my God, and not for myself or others. But in saying this, that doesn’t mean that my overworking is justified. Would Jesus have really died on the cross for us to be living day to day, with barely any rest in between, living for the weekend? Did He not die so that we can have life, and have life in abundance? Which means enjoying life – not rushing from appointment to appointment. It’s easy to for us to pray to put our academics into God’s hands, but are we just saying this and anxiously working away at our studies anyway?

Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Matthew 11:29

I recognise that God has called me to a career path that is going to take a lot of work that I need to put in from my side. I am not negating the amount of work that we will need to put into each of our lives to succeed. But when God has called you to do something, He will provide for it. He will give you the hours in the day, the knowledge and the wisdom to excel. If I work entirely from my own strength for my purpose, I will miss out on the amount I am actually capable of achieving with the power Jesus Christ living inside of me.

It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones.

Psalms 127:2

When I work anxiously day and night, I am failing to recognise that God controls the outcome of my work. I am failing to recognise that His strength is stronger than the sum of every persons strength put together, let alone mine. I am failing to recognise that what He provides for me, I will never be able to provide for myself. So why do I only allow myself a tenth of the power I am actually promised? Maybe I need to remind myself that I am worthy of His provisions, and He will never fail me.

Better to have one handful with quietness than two handfuls with hard work and chasing the wind.

Ecclesiastes 4:6

How easy it is to fill my hands with due dates, appointments and full schedules. I realise more and more that it is incredibly easy to be busy, but it is increasingly more difficult to rest. Our world has taught us that busy is good, and quietness is equivocal to laziness. If we continue living our lives like this, we leave no room for peace. No room for our spirits to be still and allow room for the Holy Spirit to make a move in our lives on our behalf.

Don’t wear yourself out trying to get rich. Be wise enough to know when to quit. In the blink of an eye wealth disappears, for it will sprout wings and fly away like an eagle.

Proverbs 23:4-5

There is nothing wrong with living a comfortable life. But if you are going to live a comfortable life, I really hope that doesn’t mean chasing after a job, a degree or any goal for that matter, that is robbing you of your rest and peace. Is that really a comfortable way of living anyway? In saying all this, I hope we all find a way to achieve our goals and achieve happiness at the same time. When you’re chasing after goals more than you’re chasing after Jesus, it might be time to be honest about your priorities in life. Do you want that job more than the peace that is rightfully yours? I’ve failed at this countless times, and I just want you to know that there is grace for this. Our God is a kind God – He just needs you to come to Him and lay it all down. Everything you’re chasing, every anxiety. He wants to carry it all, if you let Him.

As I head into my final term of my undergraduate career, I am now realising there are a few things I need to fix. Yes, I’m still going to have a good game plan, I’m still going to have a good routine and I’m still going to work hard. But I am going to try my best to do this while being kind to myself. Maybe that is as simple as moving my schedule around realistically to get better sleep. It’s time to be more wise and realise when not enough sleep is detrimental, and will only end up harming my goals more than harnessing them. More likely, it is going to involve having some tough conversations with God so I can learn how to be still. I’m going to have to learn how rely on His strength instead of my own every single day. How beautiful it is to serve a God that gives me so much grace that, with the power of Jesus, I can turn my game of blessing-chasing into a game of blessing-accepting.

By Mila Ottavini