When I departed and left home the friends, the school, the familiar and dear things; I felt a big emptiness in my heart. And then I looked at the pitch black train heavy, cold, mute, dirty but beautiful And I felt like it represented me, like my life. Taking in new places, filled with many anxious thoughts that don’t agree with many people who are agitated and speak for different motives, the train stops for only a little while, then it starts again on it’s road, sending out it’s frustrated steam, dreaming of the arrival: that will be beautiful, always more beautiful. And then it finds the old one, sighs, and it stops.
And so did I; except I don’t have the shiny rails and the station depends on my willingness.
The above poem is the English translation of the original Italian poem. The translation was written by Mila Ottavini, with the aid of Marta Ottavini and Ugo Tomassini.
Original photo taken in 1955 of Antonio jumping in the the waters of Ancona.
The writer of this poem is Antonio Ottavini, and is captured in this original photo.
He was born on the 2nd of October 1937 and passed away on the 4th of August 1995.
The original Italian poem written by Antonio Ottavini.
I dreamt that I was walking in heaven.
When, at the first light, the earth was moving and everything seems to came out of a slab of hard crystal, with a shading of a rainbow of colours, but faint, undefined; when remaining, sweet, the desire of sleep, and yet everything chuckles to the life that returns and the noises are dear, like the touch of bells; when, full of sleep, you still loo for more so you can dream, I walked in heaven.
I felt like like light, very light. I walked a street, like all the other streets; suddenly my steps were stretched and I felt like I was rising, without gravity. Then I started to run, panting, pushing my body higher and higher; looking down I could see the earth a dark green, then violet: the houses, white, red and black specks. The people were bigger than the houses, and they were looking up at me and they were applauding. I felt so big and proud: so proud! I was alone and I couldn’t express my joy; thinking: “At home I will tell them about my adventure. And I was walking forward, forward... I could not come back. At that moment I was scared. An immense fear that changed my breathing in a single moment. On earth the men were looking at my with tranquility, then they became confused and disappeared. I was alone and crying. How do get back? Who is calling me between the clouds? It’s my mother! It wasn’t a cloud; the ground was grey and turned green. Yes, the dark green of the cypress tree. My mother was dead... And without her, what was my joy?
My mother was dead... And I woke up crying.
The above poem is the English translation of the original Italian poem. The translation was written by Mila Ottavini, with the aid of Marta Ottavini and Ugo Tomassini.
An original photo taken in 1950 of young Antonio with his sister, Francapaola Ottavini, and his mother, Giulia Ottavini.
The writer of this poem is Antonio Ottavini, and is captured in this original photo.
He was born on the 2nd of October 1937 and passed away on the 4th of August 1995.
The original Italian poem written by Antonio Ottavini
Dad left; like the flight of birds when the season changes The flight ascended like my dream. He went through the dark blue sea, the white and yellow dry dessert, the huge black forest, and he arrived in the Transvaal. The indigenous huts covered with bamboo, gigantic trees, a troop of monkey, roaring wild animals and other mysterious animals; the blacks work in the diamond mine while others are covered with feathers and shells, dancing and playing on drums. “Master we are faithful to you and the children” Oh, the adventure and the adventurous! I dreamt while waiting for dad’s letter, that he will tell us all these stories...
I searched many times behind the small crystal opening in my postbox, which now seems to me a precious chest: and the pearl is there! It’s a long white envelope and there’s a foreign stamp, my heart is beating out of my chest! I waited for my mother to read it while I was looking at the fog of Milano; which is a sag grey and always the same! My mother reads out loudly the possibly the final phrase: “Kiss Antonio and Franca and give them my blessing” Shaking, I asked if I could read the letter; I took it to the bedroom and I opened it in front of my Tom Mix comics with a superior attitude. Finally! my dad was a good father, and now he will tell me about his adventure and everyone else would be in awe... I’m reading: “...I left my heart with the children...” he speaks about his work. Dad is working, he doesn’t play with Tom Mix comics, he doesn’t dream of adventures... Dad is working. For me, he went very far and is suffering... “I left my heart”... No, it isn’t Africa with the lions and crocodiles and there isn’t many adventures and strange dreams; “‘Master is alone, alone, alone,...” ...With my children I left my heart... Dad is working for me, for my life. The adventure falls, and a dream dies...
..."And now why are you crying, boy?"...
The above poem is the English translation of the original Italian poem. The translation was written by Mila Ottavini, with the aid of Marta Ottavini and Ugo Tomassini.
Lionello Ottavini 1951
Lionello Ottavini in 1952.
Original photos of Antonio’s father, Lionello, of whom he writes about in this poem.
Antonio wrote this in inspiration of when his father left the family in Italy to work in South Africa. During this time, there was a community of Italians that moved to South Africa for similar reasons, leaving many children in Italy feeling the same as young Antonio did in the poem above.
The writer of this poem is Antonio Ottavini, and is captured in this original photo.
He was born on the 2nd of October 1937 and passed away on the 4th of August 1995.
COVID19 has brought things from below and above it has brought anger, grief and anxiety it has brought faith, hope and love and I’ve seen more of the latter in our society ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ stuck inside our four walls and picket fences has reminded many of the blessings we’ve received making giving to others the only common sense leaving many distressed completely relieved ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ nurses have bowed their heads for healings major retail competitors have joined forces church is happening under a million ceilings and Mother Nature can finally sing it’s chorus ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I can just imagine the angels looking down even the new angels that have now gone home smiling at all the joy going around knowing that peace will be the only syndrome ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ so, to all my friends that are growing weary this is not the end of time’s arrival no, on the contrary this is the start of our revival.
By Mila Ottavini
This compilation of photos is from the archives, taken with some of the people I’m currently missing during lockdown. Remember to keep spreading love and gratitude to those special people in your life during this time, and cherish the memories you have with them.
This previous Sunday evening, the 15th of March 2020, the South African Government had some big decisions to make surrounding the spread of COVID19 in our country. My university had already decided to ban any events and big social gatherings, so as a result my church held their service at the Protea Hotel in Stellenbosch. Being the last service my church will be able to host together for a while, we were truly blessed with this beautiful venue and it’s surroundings. It was a night filled with worship and prayer, preparing ourselves for the unknown.
View from Hillsong Stellenbosch’s service on the 15th of March 2020
Leaving with a heart full of faith and trust, we all knew this was a battle our God would fight for us. Later on that evening, the government announced a National Disaster in South Africa, and put in many restrictions in hopes to lessen the spread of the virus. I still applaud our government for the tough decisions they had to make, and the way they have handled the situation so quickly. Still, university students were left with many questions. As all of this happened in the beginning of our test week, many were wondering if these assessments would still continue and if we were safe to stay on our campus.
Although a few were secretly hoping all our assessments would be cancelled (as students naturally would), we had no idea what the consequence of this actually would be. After hearing midday that all class and assessments were cancelled, I closed my audit books and made my way to my room. My dad had booked me on a flight for the following day, so I started packing for an estimated 3 weeks of being at home.
After receiving communication that all students in university had to evacuate residences, and fast, the panic hit. I wish I could say I was calm about the matter, but I just wasn’t. Everything in my room had to be packed and stored away in a matter of a few hours. Furthermore, we were told that we have no idea when it will be that we can return to our residences. So I had no idea how much to pack for coming home, and also whether all my items would be stored away safely. I had hit an absolute panic. All I could do was cry out to God, asking Him to do whatever He could to help me now.
And as always, my prayers were answered. Through this panic, a friend had invited me to stay by her house for the night and to take me to the airport the next day. She also helped me, along with her parents, to clear out my room and get everything packed away. My car was packed to the brim with half of my belongings, with the rest being hopefully safely stored in my residence. I had been running around and lifting things for 5 hours straight, and it’s only by God’s Grace that I managed to do that. The room that I had made my sanctuary over the past few months was completely barren. Although, I left my Wall of Strength on my cupboards, hoping that if anyone will need to stay in that room for quarantine, that they will find peace in it. It was an overwhelming goodbye, not knowing when I would be able to say hello to the room again, but I prayed for God’s presence to stay in the room throughout the chaos.
My room at the beginning of the semester.
My empty room after the evacuation.
I now needed to drop my car off in Paarl, where it would stay at a family friend who graciously let me leave it at their house. As I had been panicking and moving frantically the whole afternoon, I was nervous for the drive, as I always believe one should be fully focused and calm behind the wheel.
“She knows the price paid for peace, so she protects it.”
The Psalm 112 Promise by John Eckhardt
It was in this moment that I had to realize that through all of the mass hysteria, I had to fall at the feet of the Prince of Peace. The only one that could keep me safe now was Him. I prayed nervously in my car for the trip I had to make. I kid you not when I say that the trip from Stellenbosch to Paarl (which granted, isn’t that far anyway) literally felt like teleportation. I started the engine and then I was pretty much already there. And no, I did not speed, but the Grace of God got me there safely, despite my mess of a mind at the time.
My friend’s father fetched me in Paarl and we made our way to their home. After some of the worst hours I have ever experienced in my life, I was welcomed, given food and a place to sleep, as well as receieved some much needed peace. The following morning they took me to the airport, and we said our goodbyes. I have no idea how long it will be till I can see this family again, but I am eternally grateful for everything they have done for me.
This is not a time to pay it back, but a time to pay it forward.
The airport was a place filled with worry, lots of hand sanitizer and many people wearing masks. I prayed away any fear from my mind and for this process of travelling to ‘fly by’. To my luck, a friend of mine caught me in the same line at the check-in, and I was graced with company in a fearful place. Though we only could speak for a few minutes before I boarded, I knew God was making sure that I didn’t feel alone.
Having just a scarf to cover my face when needed, I tried to climb on the plane without fear of being infected. I told myself Jesus died to cover any illness the world might face. So I distracted myself and started to read a new book. Later, I tried to get something to drink, but they rejected my debit card that they normally accept on the plane. I had no cash or a credit card on me, so I just accepted the situation. The lovely lady sitting in the row next to me however, had a generous heart. She bought what I had ordered for me, and refused that I pay her back. She asked me instead to pay it forward.
A happy dog seeing their owner after over 2 months.
I had finally landed and got picked up by my father. I hadn’t seen him since January, so my heart was quite content to see him sooner than intended. I arrived at home, to be greeted excitedly by my dogs that had missed me, and by the lovely Pretoria weather. Being finally able to relax, my first day was filled with much needed sleep and good food. Though I’ve only spent a day at home, I’ve settled in again and God has calmed the storm in my mind.
We are all experiencing many different things throughout this period of unknowns, and we are all free to feel what we are feeling. A lot is changing in our world and a lot is still only a question mark. But what I do ask of you is to exchange mass hysteria for overflowing grace. Protect the peace that Jesus died for, and pay it forward in anyway that you can. I can’t tell you when we will be able to go back to our normal lives or what is going to happen in our country, but I can tell you something much more important. I can tell you that my God has a plan, and even if we don’t see it, He’s working.
the weight of a thousand capacities is what I carry in my heart it must be the strength of my capillaries allowing me to accomplish this art ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ the depths of me seem to swell up and the waves bring me to my knees it’s really a miracle I don’t erupt when the current never seems to seize ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ because The Moon has been watching making sure that my shores are safe and just before I start falling He catches me in His grace.
some flowers have it figured out putting their armor up after sunset the darkness poses no threat a song of strength is what they shout. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ this is the beauty of nyctinasty the power of not letting the enemy win even when the light is wearing thin and you want to give up so badly.
oh sweet sunshine child how don’t you see? you are meant to be a little wild, your light is what sets us free. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ your bright beam over the darkest time is what brings us the light we require luckily smiles like yours aren’t a crime, and helps us when life feels dire. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ we just hope your sun will never set, because the warmth you bring is one we could ever forget. truly you are such a special thing. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ the light you shine is in essence the love of God through someone’s presence. your constant smile is life’s rebellion and spreads His love like we’re in Heaven.
there will be the days where getting out of bed will be your biggest victory. celebrate that. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ because sometimes the sun rays will feel way too far ahead, but you are still worthy of acknowledging where you’re at. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ some days your smile might take a little longer to fall upon your face, but that’s okay. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ and your heart may need a while but you’re only getting stronger. just please keep at your own pace, we all need to rest anyway.
