August 2020 – Your Mind; My Mind

Features on GPCY Expanded Minds

by milaottavini / August 24, 2020

On the 23rd of August 2020 a friend of mine, Eshen Moodley, his website, namely, GPCY Expanded Minds. He asked me to write some pieces for the site, and below are what I wrote for some of his catalogues. The link to his website is: https://gpcy23.myportfolio.com

M & A

I believe in soul mates. I really do. What I don’t believe in, however, is best friends. I don’t think you can just say – this one, this one right here – that’s my best friend who will be here forever and always. I also don’t think that you can place certain friends in higher regard than others. No. People come and go through our lives for different reasons. People move cities and things change. But truly, the connection will never change. That’s why I believe in soul mates and not best friends. When you have a connection so strong with someone, not just romantic, but platonic too – it’s eternal. It’s eternal and you know it. Because even when they’re gone, and you hear the song that you always used to sing with them, the strings of your heart pull tighter. When you walk past all of the places that you laughed with them till your bellies ached, you can’t help but smile. And when it’s 3am and your chest feels emptier than it’s ever been, all you wish for is their voice. Because you loved them. Because you will always love them. And if you read this, and your heart rises up in your chest, you must know that you’ve had at least one soul mate in your life. Chances are that you’ve had more than one. How lucky our souls are to burn so brightly in love with other souls.

18

There is something about the day you turn 18. All of a sudden the universe has transferred freedom into your hands. The ability to do and be whoever you desire. In theory, it sounds like one of the most exciting days of your life. It is up there with those momentous occasions most people dream of – leaving high school, graduating from university, buying your first home and getting married. But in reality, turning 18 was not the perfect picture I had painted in my head. Sure, I got my driver’s license, I could legally drink, soon I’d be off to my dream university and I’d leave high school far behind me. But it was scary. It was damn scary. Suddenly I had this responsibility to survive. If anything failed now in my life, the only person responsible would be me. The crippling anxiety of growing up is masked behind the big birthday party we all look forward to. But it was that day, that very birthday party, that I realised I needed to step up. That there is more than the perfect picture I had painted in my head. And maybe that actually isn’t scary at all. Maybe that is the most exciting thing that any of us will realise. And I realised it when the clock turned and I became 18 – there is more. Much, much more.

Italian Love Story

Pt1 Love for the Country – Her Perspective

I’m a terrible hopeless romantic. I often fall in love with the covers of books. My knees are weak for many strangers that have once smiled at me. I can create a whole love story in my mind just sitting on a train staring out the window. For me, everything could be a love story.

But there was something unique about my love story with Italy. Maybe it’s because it’s in my blood. Italy is in every essence of my being.

I think I love Italy because everything about it is so loud. Every person you come across in this country is loud. They’re loud because they have something to say. And I love that.

The food screams it’s own existence too, because it was prepared with love and pride. What is there not to love about that.

The sceneries in Italy are so overwhelmingly loud that sometimes my dreams of the country make me sad. It makes me sad because before Italy, I never knew you could miss a place so vividly. I can close my eyes and I can see the vibrant colours of Burano, every beach bar in Porto San Giorgio, the flowers of Norcia, the remnants of the Roman empire, the turquoise waters of Lago di Garda… I can see it all.

Maybe that’s what love is. Maybe love is loud. It doesn’t hide itself and it etches a memory that you’ll never be able to shake. I just hope I never lose this love.

Little did I know my love for you laid across the platform where he looked up and smiled.

Pt3 Love for Yourself

a year later
and I think about her every day.
Every single day.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I long for her warm waters,
and her strong statures.
the lack of her air
has left me in despair.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I am unaware
of when we can join again.
but I no longer pine for her
because I have peace
knowing God has kept me home
to finish His masterpiece.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
and there is so much more of her
that I desire to discover
but maybe I need to learn something here.
and maybe one day
I will miss this place
just as much as I miss her.

This is a video I made for the piece M&A with a compilation of memories with some of my favourite people. The song used in the video is Not A Single Day (Interlude) by A R I Z O N A

My Mind

Fearful to Fearless

by milaottavini / August 11, 2020

Words in the video:

We all have that one thing that we are absolutely terrified of doing. A thing that we have been instructed to do, or we just know we have to do it. This fear is so crippling that we disregard any attempt at doing this terrifying act.

Look, I don’t know what you are afraid of doing or even why you are afraid of doing it. But there are some things in life that we just have to do – no matter how scared we may be.

Maybe you’re too scared to put on your running shoes again after the last injury you sustained.

Or you’re too afraid to start that new training programme because you think you’re not strong or dedicated enough.

You’re setting yourself up for failure before you even start.

Perhaps, you’re too nervous to tell that person that you haven’t been able to stop thinking about how you really feel, fearing the sting of rejection.

Or maybe you’re too proud to forgive that person that did you wrong, and let them back in your life. You just don’t want to believe that they can change.

Maybe you just need to have that difficult conversation with that person you love, but you’re too scared they’ll runaway anyway.

Love is scary. And love is a risk – but it is an action. And it is the greatest action you can ever take.

Maybe you’re panicking about that one class you have, and you fear that even if you put in that extra 10% effort, you won’t make it through.

You could be frantic, trying to apply for your dream school – secretly believing you’re not good enough to get in.

Maybe you have an entire book inside of you, and you’ve never been able to shake off the fear enough so that you can write it.

But you know you were called to that purpose. And purpose takes courage.

There could even be something you’re too petrified to stop.

Maybe you need to put an end to that relationship or friendship that is making you something you’re not – taking you further and further away from your destiny.

Or possibly there is that addiction that you just can’t seem to quit – and it is destroying you slowly every day.

Maybe you just need to put your phone down, forget about what the online world is saying about you, and finally look into the eyes of the one in front of you, who has been longing to spend some time with you.

I don’t know what it is that you are scared of. But one thing I do know is that in this really great book, it says the words “Do not be afraid” 365 times. Let me say that again – the bible tells us 365 times to not be afraid. We are reminded everyday that we have been given the power to do whatever it is we know we need to do. And I can be say it 365 more times, and it will still not be overused, but my friend, you need not be afraid.

You need to speak this aloud. Maybe also write it down – whatever it is that you are afraid of doing. And after saying this, or writing this, affirm these words in your heart, “this is scary. But the creator of the universe told me to not be afraid. So I will do this.”

But you need to really believe this. Whatever you are most afraid of doing, usually becomes the greatest accomplishments you look back on. You may be one fearful soul, but your nature can quickly become fearless – don’t let yourself miss out on your destiny.

By Mila Ottavini