I always told myself that I couldn’t run. I had pretty good logic for why I couldn’t run as well, telling myself constantly that I was too weak, too short or too inexperienced. I had convinced myself that this truth was the absolute, and there would never be a chance for me to run or even to enjoy running. Don’t understand this incorrectly, I’m a very active human being. I’ve always been really into gym, yoga, and recently decided to start dancing too. Running was just one of those things on my list of “Never, Never, Will I Ever, Do This Activity”. And I was always okay with this mindset, until one day something told me I had to go for a run.

On this first run, I had decided I was going to full force myself into this whole running thing. Forget the ‘easing into it’ and preparing my body, I just went with it. I forced myself to run a 5km – which granted, isn’t very far – but for a person who never runs, this was quite the challenge to place upon myself. I did it, and the wind on the beach was so rough that I felt like I was fighting for life. I hated this run so much, but I knew it was because I was forcing myself to run too fast for my fitness level. I still had fight left within me, so the next day I decided I would use the Nike Run Club application’s guided runs.

First of all, I want to make it very clear that I am not endorsing this application, but that I am being genuine in my experience overall in this prose. The next day after forcing myself to run that 5km, I used Coach Bennet’s “First Run” guided run. I ended the run with a smile. I ended the run wanting to run more. The reason? I can’t remember exactly what Coach Bennet said that day, but he did make me realize something. He made me realize that I am a runner simply because I have a body and because I made the decision to run. I wasn’t too slow, too short or too weak. I was a runner. I continued to listen to his guided runs over that following week, and I promise you, I was smiling at the end of every run. The girl that absolutely loathed running (if you ask anyone who knows me, they will vouch for this) was smiling during and after every run she completed.

I continued running and I still am continuing to run, using a plan set up by the Nike Run Club application. But here’s the thing, as Coach Bennet would say, “This is about running. This is not about running.” My process of overcoming my fear and hatred for running is way more than a fitness achievement or boast. The journey that has brought me to the place where I am today is intricate and blessed, and it is happening in each and every one of our lives if we let it.

You see, I was convincing myself that I was incapable of something. It came from many places of pain, but I let pain become my hurdle (a hurdle that was not even real) that I would never jump over. Having two operations on my foot as a child was a heavy burden, as during those times everyone was running and playing, while I had no choice but to sit and watch. Obviously not being able to exercise for basically 4 years had its effect on my weight, and kids being kids, made this very plain to me. When I could start exercising again, my body was trying to find its rhythm again, but everyone would laugh at me for the way I ran. Even up until high school, I still recall a girl stopping in her tracks during hockey training just to tell me that it’s hilarious how I run because my legs are so, and I quote, “short and stubby”. Every high school girl’s dream….

For the longest time I had so much resentment towards people for the things they said, but today I realize this had nothing to do with the people who said a mere few words to me without realizing the consequences. They say sometimes people are used by the devil to bring spiritual warfare to others. This couldn’t be truer – the people that said some pretty hurtful things to me are not bad people, in fact, they’re all pretty incredible. At the time, I just allowed the devil to win and to push me down into the ground. These people weren’t telling me I would never be able to run, it was the devil. And subsequently, I started saying these things to myself.

That’s the incredible thing about God. He makes all things new. After high school, I renewed my relationship with Him. And I strongly believe if it wasn’t for this, I wouldn’t be running today. He showed me the lies of the devil and He rebuked all of these lies too. Soon I was breaking all the hurdles around me, and the day came that God had prepared for me to run for His glory.

So, this really isn’t about running. This is about not allowing the devil, or even yourself, to stand in the way of you excelling. Maybe there’s something you’ve always secretly wanted to do – I don’t know – be it gymnastics, writing or public speaking. If there is a desire or wonder inside of you, explore that. See where it takes you. Because If I’m certain of anything – it’s this: the grass is much greener on the other side of the hurdles that never actually existed.

By Mila Ottavini